More Adventures on an Island Part Deux

more adventures on an island part deux

As I write this, it is 5:05 pm on April 3 and I am sitting on the La Guardia airport. I am not on a plane.

But that is the end of the story. Our story starts this morning at 4:45 am when I woke up and tried without success to go back to sleep. My missing bag kept me awake. Had it come during the night? Finally, I heaved myself out of bed and checked the United app. Nothing about a delivery. In fact, when I examined the information displayed on the screen, my jaw dropped. Well, not really, but I was shocked. Last night the document had indicated the bag had been flown from Newark (EWR) to Lehigh Valley International (ABE). (Just as an aside, what flights are international from Lehigh Valley PA?).

But now there was an additional entry noting a flight back to Newark from LVI. Could that be? Where was my bag now? I jumped on the phone immediately and was connected to a very nice agent who would assist me. Now, although she was very nice, she was talking to me from India and she had a cold. Between an accent as heavy as a spoonful of neutronium and clogged sinuses, she was barely comprehensible. After many “I’m sorry” and “Could-you-repeat-that’s” eventually, I understood that my bag would be delivered to me today by 5:00 pm.

Well, that wasn’t going to work. As I explained to the nice lady I was going to be on a plane at 5:00 pm. Could I just go get the bag at ABE (it’s the Allentown PA airport). She assured me that would work It then occurred to me to ask “Can you please make sure my bag is actually at that airport?”

“ust a moben” When she returned, she assured me that bag was in fact there and they would be expecting me. “Ut ti something something?” Minutes of mutual miscomprehension pass until finally “Oh, what time will I be there?” I had no idea but I told her by 8:00 am.

It was then 5:45. I checked my phone. It was an hour and a half to Allentown. I could wait for breakfast or…no I thought I’d just better go. So, I took a shower (how much good does that do you ask when I’ve worn the same clothes for three days? It made me feel, if not smell, better anyway.) I gathered my computer and phone and headed out the door.

It was dark and raining. The roads were all two lane twisty things wending through the Pennsylvanian hinterlands. I made it to the airport and found the United Counter. No one was there. I asked around about what to do and my dreams came true. I have always wanted to use a White Courtesy Telephone. I have heard about them my entire life until they took on mythic proportions. What would it be like I often asked myself when some lucky person was called to the magic phone over the airport paging system?

Suppressing, my excitement I picked up the phone and told the nice lady (they are all over this story today) my problem. “Let me connect you,” she said nicely. It rang and rang and rang. Nothing. I called the nice lady back a little annoyed by the lack of connection but also with renewed excitement because I was about to have someone paged.

I tell you this trip has been full of incredible moments for me. Never have I had someone paged and to have them paged over the White Courtesy Telephone. My heart almost exploded with joy.

Still nothing. Hmm. A sign on the empty United Counter had a number for baggage issues. I’d try that.

Now over the course of the last few days, United’s AI assistant (I think his name is Fred) and I have become fast friends. Each time I call, he welcomes me by name: “Welcome back…Kevin.” This time Fred offered me the chance to chat to resolve my problem. Despite the morning’s language difficulties, I thought I would try speaking with an agent. “Do you want me to send you a link to start the chat?”

“No,” I said firmly.

“I’m sorry, I did not understand you. If you want me to send you a link please say yes.”

I thought Fred and I had progressed in our relationship past where the point he pretended not to listen to me. “No, I want to talk to an agent.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t understand you. If you want me to send you a link, please say yes.”

Fred was looping out and I didn’t see any way around it. “Yes.”

That cheered him up.

“Okay!”

I clicked on the link. It linked me to ChatGPT or Anthropic or Genesis or whatever API United uses.

Here was the result:

Can you feel the desperation from that “All Set”?

So, I tried again only this time I managed to talk to an agent. I was in the middle of the conversation when a human (another nice lady) appeared and confirmed that I was, indeed, the customer needing assistance. I told her my story and she shook her head in disgust, called someone then told me, “someone will be right up with your bag.”

Sure enough, a man appeared with my bag. Here is a picture of our joyous reunion.

Okay, that had only taken an hour, but it was only 8:30 and my flight was at 5:00. This time I didn’t end up in Midtown Manhattan, but the traffic was fun. There is nothing quite like inching forward surrounded by a wall of trucks and discovering you are in an exit only lane.

I made it though and was through security by 11:45. Plenty of time. I’ll skip my visit to the Chase Saphire Lounge (too much backstory) and get to the point where I’m sitting at the gate. I’m waiting for my flight and checking my app when I notice that my flight has been delayed to the extent that I will miss my connecting flight to Salt Lake.

The app offers to help me find other flights. I click on that option only to be told that no other flights are available. I check again and it’s the same result.

“Welcome back…Kevin.”

At this point I wonder if Fred really means it. This time Fred offers me the option of chatting with a human. Why not?

I don’t have that chat, but Guadalupe was another nice lady who informed me that, sorry about that, there are no other flights leaving from Denver to Salt Lake this evening. I can book you on another flight tomorrow morning.

Uh, huh

“Well, if that’s the only way I can get home let’s do it.” Or words to that effect. She booked me on an 8:00 flight to SLC. I asked about hotel accomodations. “I’ll send you a link.

Bing, I had a message from United.

I brought the chat to an end and called TLM. She had called during the chat. I explained that I had not been able to talk because I was arranging for my vacation in Denver. We commiserated.

After talking to TLM, I clicked on the link to arrange for my hotel. This is what I got:

So, I gave the chatbot another try.

No luck there, so I called.

“Welcome back…Kevin.”

I managed to get another human and explained my issue.

“Oh, you need to go to the ticketing counter. They can fix it.”

“You mean I have to go out through security and back in again?”

“Oh, no a gate agent should be able to help.”

The nice lady gate agent directed me to the nice ladies in Customer Service just steps away. Those nice ladies helped me book my hotel. I land at 11:14. My flight the next day is at 8:00. It’s going to be a short night, but I’ll have clean clothes and a shave. I really hope this is the last post about this trip, but the way things are going, who knows?

Well, I know now and this is (in brief because you are really tired by now) the rest of the story. Our plane left in fact at 9:15 Eastern and landed at 11:45 pm mountain. For those keeping score that is 1:45 Eastern where I was when I woke up at 5:45.

On exiting the plane, I recalled that my voucher said that I was supposed to proceed swiftly to the hotel I had selected because availability may be limited. Okay, another phone call with the Hotel. Again I spoke with a nice lady from India with several stellar weights in accent. We managed though and I was told eventually I had a room and need to proceed to Island 3 in the ground transportation area which I found after only one wrong turn.

Immediately on exiting the terminal I was reminded why I had seen snow on the ground. It was 32 degrees. I had on a thin cotton shirt that was no help at all. After waiting twenty minutes in the cold I confirmed that I had not missed the shuttle and it would only be another 10 minutes or so. As I shivered, turning to ice I thought how fortunate I was that the wind was not blowing. At which point I connected spiritually with Kvothe because a frigid, biting breeze whistled through the waiting area.

Finally, the van arrived and I was soon ensconced in my room showered with clean clothes. I turned the light off at 1:30 am (3:30 am eastern where I was…etc.). Four hours later I was up and on my way to the airport.

I’m completing this at home where I arrived safe and sound. It is said that sometimes there are years when decades happen. A year happened for me this week. When I saw TLM at the airport I hugged her like she was a life preserver and I a drowning man. It felt like I had not seen her in years. Okay, part of that was four hour’s sleep in the last thirty, but still. Eventually, time will soften this adventure into a glowing amusing story. May it happen quickly.